a moment....

In times that try the soul, true friends and true loved ones come out to listen and to try to give good solid advice.  And then there are the ones that you thought were there for you that sit in the background lurking, but not reaching out to lend a helping hand, or just an ear to bend.  It has become very clear to me that we have really become a very selfish group of adults.  I can literally count on one hand those who have been there for me during the past two years.  One of which is surprisingly my daughter.  I say surprisingly because she is so young and has such a spirit for a quick moving and ever evolving life.  She is so busy trying to find her natural place in life, that she doesn't seemingly have time to listen to me talk about situations I have been dealing with over the past few years.  But she is there, even listening when she only has 1/2 a story, or when the story is just a quick burst of pain.  The people that you thought would be there for you and really give you a great listening platform, because they have been through a similar situation, and are still alive today to talk about it, are the ones that have turned a deaf ear or the ones that give really rotten advice like "don't obsess about it", or "try not to think about it".  This is something I'd never tell someone dealing with an emotional explosion, because let's face it-it's not worth it.  I simply need someone to say, "I love you, I am here for you, and I wish I could help!"  And the person that says that to me, is the person that caused the situation in the first place.  How do you like that?  Redemption?  I don't know.

During this time in my life, where I thought I'd be more settled and situated in life, I have learned that people like to kick you while you're down.  I wrote about this before.  A former co-worker of mine, who I didn't really think was a friend of mine-but someone I had spoke to about some of the situations I was going through just out of frustration about being at work and not where I needed to be to deal with the situation, decided that after she left employment where I was still working to tell me all the reasons why my home situation had happened, her opinion about my physical nature was the main reason.  Now, while this at first only made me laugh because I could only think of how sad it must be to be the person actually taking the time out of her busy schedule, being a mom herself, to email me about how much she disliked me.  I thought, wow, that poor woman-she must be either drunk or so jealous of something about me that she wants to try to bring me down to her level, which is a level I have never been before-and I don't think I could dragged there by anyone.  But it did make me think, later, how cruel the world really is becoming.  How a fellow woman, who should be up in arms about the mistreatment of another, just wants to jump on the bandwagon and throw in her punches as well.

I really thought I had learned all I needed to learn during my 20's but it's clear I have a lot more to learn.  I keep plugging away, trying to make sense of it all.

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