Pre-Anniversary

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Well, today is the eve of my five year anniversary.  Five years ago today I was running around with my "big sis" Yvonne, who is my oldest, most loyal, generous and amazing friend (who I do not get to see enough).

As we prepared for the wedding it never crossed my mind what sort of struggles my marriage would endure along the short five years together.  Honestly, I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world-as many brides do I am sure.  He had qualities that I had never seen in a man before-despite being previously married (a few times before that).  I was always searching for that perfect frog to kiss & turn him into a prince.  And boy did I think I found him.

So tomorrow will celebrate an anniversary of that wedding.  This marriage has not been what I expected in the slightest, we have had our share of struggles as any married couple will.  The struggles we endured often made us feel alone even when we were together.  But I can say, that together we did overcome some of life's ugliest moments.  We tackled a lot of shit that would tear most people apart & break them as individuals forever.  For that endurance, patience, love and forgiveness that most of us don't seem to have in us-I am thankful to say we may just make it.

Every day is a "Oh my gosh am I really in THIS marriage" kind of day.  Sometimes that statement is aimed towards positive thoughts & sometimes negative thoughts.

Over the past five years, I have heard the words "you're so much stronger then I am", "I could never forgive someone for that" or much worst things-I am sure you get the idea.  But the facts are-how do you know, until you have been forced to decide what direction to take in your marriage/your life?  The truth is you don't.  So those statements are meaningless and hurtful.  I am not stronger, or weaker then you.  I just was faced with a choice that you thankfully have never had to make.  And I'll be honest with you, I wouldn't wish this on anyone.  Not even the ones that hurt me, hurt us.

I will tell you this.  I am fortunate enough to be able to put things into mental piles in my mind.  I am able to see beyond the present and map out how I want my future to look.  I can look past the pain and see the light at the end, waiting for me.  And when I did that, when I was faced with that decision (staying or going), I always saw us together.  I was always told to be patient when I would pray about it.  And so I was as patient as I could be, I stuck around.

What did I get in return for my praying and sticking around.  He answered a prayer from years ago, from before the affair.  He gave me another daughter-a daughter that we couldn't have together.  I was then faced to stay or go again.  What do you do?  Do you say, oh sorry God that isn't good enough-you should have known I didn't want him to cheat on me to produce this kid?

Well, you all already know what I did.  I continued to make the choice to stay & I do so every day.  And so, we celebrate tomorrow-we celebrate all weekend.  Happy Anniversary to my family & to my now-loyal husband lol.

1 comment

  1. Beautifully and heartfully said. God bless you and your family.

    ReplyDelete

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