I am flawed.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

It's true, I am flawed.  But that's okay-because so are you.  That's the wonderful and horrible thing about being a human being.  And if you are one of many, I am sad to say, out there living in this world thinking you're perfect or your shit doesn't stink-I honestly feel sorry for you.

It's no longer a bad thing to be different, we are all embracing each other these days it seems.  I for one am happy about that.  But acceptance is universal, it's not just acceptance for what you deem worthy of accepting.  If you want, and preach it-you must want it for all-not just for "people like you".

I am on a journey to learn to really love and accept myself, because how can I do this for others if I look at myself & tell myself all the things I hate about myself on a daily basis, over and over again.

This is a raw subject for me, because I have literally lived my entire life thinking I wasn't good enough.  I wasn't a good enough daughter, or a cool enough friend, not a smart enough student, not a good enough mother, or a sexy enough girl/woman worthy of something good, romantic and wonderful.  I made choices based on this fucked up view of myself-choices that affected me and affected people in my life that I love, and honestly I still do.

I have come a long way baby, but I still have a long way to go.  Hopefully by the time I am 90 years old I can truly say, I love myself.

I have been called many names as a child by people I trusted & who I was entrusted to.  I was picked on in school, for being to skinny and tall.  I have even been attacked as an adult for being "fat" so I deserved my husband being unfaithful to me, and that was the reason-as if again, I just wasn't good enough for a man to be faithful to me.

Simple minds-make simple accusations, yet they stick with you and linger in the back of your mind, even if you laughed them off at the time.

I am hopelessly flawed; and I have never aimed to be perfect for anyone.  I have stretch marks, scars, bits of fat in areas some people don't.  I have freckles, moles & skin that has had to much sun and skin that never even sees the sun.  I never do my hair, and I have never learned how to put on make up.

But I am funny, I am loyal, I am faithful, forgiving and forgetful.  I am strong, and hardworking.  I am good mom, and I love all my kids.  I try to be generous, and I love cooking and eating :).....

This is who I am, and why not love me? 

3 comments

  1. Being flawed is really in the eyes of the beholder Lela. You can't put that off on yourself. You cannot change what other people see or believe, ever. If someone is shallow, they will always be shallow. You're a beautiful soul inside and out, you improve your inner and outer beauty daily.

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