Wake up Lela

When you get married and have children, is it true you are to give up everything and be totally devoted to their every need and desire?  How does one self fit into such a role where you are to be totally selfless-including neglecting yourself?  I am using the word neglect only towards the treatment of ones self - not other people, as I do believe that we should shut out the world if we need to, so we can focus just on our own little family (husband/children/self).  I think, the last part "self" however is last on the list, and rarely ever given a second thought.

This year, I will turn 46-and in four more years this grandma will be 50 years old.  I don't feel as though I look that old but I do feel as though I FEEL that old.

Years and years of neglect to myself has put me into the position I am in today.  I struggle to change bad habits, I struggle to get off 80 pounds.  I struggle to find the energy to do anything about the things I just mentioned.  People have their advice, some will good intention even if it is to sell you some magic pill.  But really it all boils down to YOU!  You have to take care of yourself, too!

When Olivia asks for a soda, I say "no it's not good for you" and yet I drink one soda a day.  I won't let them eat to many sweets or snacks - and yet I indulge myself in salty treats not giving much thought to what it's doing to my body-not even caring.

How do you turn your life around, how do you really sit down and look at yourself in the mirror and find real value?  Why can't we see our own faces and bodies as though we see our children's?  Something to cherish, something to love and take care of?

I am on a quest to find some self love, some self appreciation.  Some peace to quiet the person inside me that always tells me I am not good enough.  That I am ugly, fat, stupid.  Quiet that voice, so I can focus on me-a woman who loves unconditionally-everyone else but herself.

xoxo, Lela

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